Monday, November 29, 2010

here's to you

I think a part inside of me died after the break up. As happy as I am today, there are moments of sadness and stillness. It sometimes feels like life isn’t moving or progressing. I don’t want to be back with him, neither do I regret my decision. What is sad is when you get used to a person even if you’re not in love with them, you’re so used to them that it pains when they are not around.
There are times when I feel like screaming at him, hitting him so hard that he falls other times I just feel like calling him up. But there’s nothing left to say. Literally nothing. There’s a void that cannot be broken and silence that cannot be shattered.
So here’s the last time that I am ever going to write about you. I don’t hate you, I don’t love you either and I am not indifferent. I am in no man’s land. I am in a place where you exist in tiny fragments of memory and I think of you when someone brings you up or I am extremely lonely. You are you. You will not change and it was foolish of me to expect you to. You are your own person. You are beautiful yet ugly in many ways. You gave me happiness when it was needed and tears when they weren’t. But it is time to let you go. Your rose has withered and died. Your cards have been torn and thrown. Your photographs deleted. I once knew you, a long long time ago. But after spending ten years, I feel I still don’t know you. I know anymore what you’re next move will be or something that’s on your mind. We made memories together and now their nothing but that. They were moments spent with you, with real time and people and now they’re somewhere scattered with millions of other memories. So here’s to you and I. here’s to the time that you and I once spent together that is never coming back. Maybe one day we can meet and laugh at these moments.
But I think it’s time for new memories now. It’s time to let go of the old ones and start fresh. I want new memories and new moments with someone else. So do you. And you will. Inshallah.
So, here’s to you and your ambition, career, love and life. Like I said, I don’t hate you but I don’t love you either. There were tiny pieces of us that I want to let go of, pieces that just lingered in my mind and it’s time to get over with this. So do what you do best… make someone’s life wonderful like you did once to mine……………………………………………….

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