Monday, December 28, 2009

for another career..........

People judge and judge rather fast. One second you’re talking to them and the next thing you know, they are rolling their eyes. So when I tell people that I don’t want to practice design anymore and would rather devote my time to teaching and helping they stare. Now there’s a normal stare and then there’s an impolite stare. Some laugh inside. Some look at me pathetically. Others don’t understand. When I say art education, they think iam wasting my time. When I say art therapy, they simply don’t understand. When I explain what it is, some are intrigued, while others are clueless confused.
I was confused too, during some part of this year. I didn’t know what to do. The companies and design houses seemed too monotonous. During internship I realized that and vowed never to work there (they never really offered me a job anyway). Looking at art programs at several universities abroad opened my eyes and I was astonished to find the variety of subjects and programs. During that time my eyes fell upon the word ‘ art education’. I was amused. Interested. Extremely curious. I went on and found out what an amazing course that really was. That was the time when I think god was guiding me. He was leading me towards it. That’s when I realized what I really wanted to do.
There is a serious lack of art education and therapy in Pakistan. People are unaware and oblivious to the term itself. Does art education simply mean that you draw and paint, that you give children an image to replicate that by the time they do, they hate the subject. In most schools, monotony and uniformity in the art curriculum yields in boredom. Teachers and instructors are unaware that besides visual art, writing, music, drama and film can be incorporated can be part of the teaching methods.
Having taught at a local, very basic government school Of Rahimkharkhan, I soon realized that children are naturally talented. Whether they attend public or private schools, it doesn’t matter. What matters is how their talent can be restored, rejuvenated and established. This is where art education comes in. it trains and teaches teachers to become successful role models for their students. To encourage them. Art education at an early age enables children to realize their potential earlier rather than later in their life. It prepares them, that then helps them to choose wisely a career path.
Art therapy on the other hand is more wide and varied. It involves art being used as a tool for therapeutic reasons. From children to adults. From the sick to the mentally challenged people. All need therapy. All need to get better and a way to express their talent, frustration and raging emotions. Dying patients stricken with cancer and HIV positive can be healed for a certain time. Their mind can be relived from the anguish that burns their heart. Dyslexic children through art therapy find they’re not any different than the rest of their friends. They draw and play with colours. This situates them in a society where they would have been unaccepted otherwise. Art therapy involves counseling as well as practical work. So right now this is all that’s all my mind right now. I am coming up with ways to incorporate this in our local governing body.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Ok, for the longest time
But I think the moments gone. I am better. I am more human. I am sane
I am thinking of greener pastures. I am thinking about life. I am spending more time with family.
What I am not doing is thinking about what happened with me. I am trying to forgive and slowly forget. I am trying to not make a big deal out of it.
I am learning that its ok to fail…..
Although it wasn’t really my fault, but its ok. Its not the end of the world. It never is.
So what if my GPA sucks. So what if it really fell this year.
Does this mean I fail as a student? As a designer? As a person who wants to make a difference in today’s world. BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE IN THE WORLD. Gandhi’s words are my bible these days.
So I look at my batch mates who didn’t graduate. Shouldn’t I be thankful enough that I wasn’t one of them? I graduated they didn’t. I marched down the lane, my head high up, my shoulders wide open. They got neither of this. So what if my teachers think I SUCK.
I DON’T! I KNOW I DON’T….so what if they recommended their fav’s and not me. Doesn’t this give more reason to prove them wrong? Doesn’t this become the highlight in my life to prove something that I have been wanting to for years?
I thought I was nothing. My teachers discouraged me, told me I wasn’t good enough. But the jury thought otherwise. They saw potential my teachers couldn’t.
So I told myself not to be angry anymore…. If you can’t beat them, you join them. So I inspired myself… I taught myself…I corrected myself…..
And I think things are improving for me... Slowly and gradually….alhamdolah…. they are……..and Inshallah I will reach where I have been wanting to………

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

for another life

Ok, if I ever had another life what would I do. I sometimes very seriously ponder over such a possibility. What would I actually do. If I could escape my life right now where would I actually go?
I would go to the USA for my phD. Definitely. Iam a sucker for education. Its never enough for me. My mum thinks iam just too ambitious, I should slow down she thinks. I think I would dedicate my entire life towards studying. I would study whatever I want. And in my another life I would have ample money to do so. And there so many tempting subjects to choose from also.

I would fall in love again. This time it would be different. I would be more open and inviting. I would give him a chance to be more expressive. I wouldn’t do things that I did in my previous life. I would probably go out with him. Give in completely. Let him be in charge completely.

I would travel. Yes. Alone or with friends. But I would spend all my money after my degree on travelling. There are numerous places that I have been dying to visit. All the exotic places that I know. And travelling can be one of the best things that life has to offer. The Thailand trip gave me such immense pleasure.

Since religion is a very important part of my life so I might wear my scarf in my another life. I most probably would. I might not for the first few days but my conscience would get the better of me and I would be the hijabi babe in minutes. But I would wear it differently, exploring different styles and methods.

I would write more often. The writer in me would rise. I would write my own novel which I have been trying to for the past few years now. Ideas keep flooding in but never actually come down on paper.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


I shut myself

I close myself

I don’t feel like talking about it

I don’t feel like talking at all

I wish things were different

I wish you weren’t so cold

I wish I wasn’t so uptight

I wish I didn’t have so much work

I wish my dada would get better

I wish I would graduate

I wish I could improve myself

I wish I could be the person you want me to become

I wish I didn’t feel like shit today

I wish my heart didn’t ache with love for you

I wish I had the remedy for my illness

I wish I was closer to god