Today I shopped. Bought my dress.
Today I slept. My phone didn’t ring. No calls from the man.
Today I was upset then quickly recovered.
Today I found MY university and some aid. That made me excited.very
Today I felt independent and strong.
Today I decided. Am sure. Theres no turning back. There cant be any regrets.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
dream of an impossible...
I dream of the impossible…..
I search for a romance that cannot exist….
I cringe over a heart that has been broken….
I love an impossible man…..i envision the unattainable possibility….
I search for love that was never there….i look for you but you’re not there….
I hallucinate all the time…I dream of you quite often these days….then again I dream over an impossible
Man……
They say that man is ungrateful. He is. They say man always wants something that he knows he cannot have. He longs for the things he knows are just not possible. But I never thought that I would be that man. But iam. Today iam that man, who wants more from life. Who is no longer satisfied with mundane. This man that’s inside me, wants a miracle…..a dream for the impossible to suddenly become possible………
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
THE UNEXPECTED
It is shocking to hear that not only has a plane crashed but all the passengers have demised. Someone was talking about how their daughter who was to be married in a few days, was on that flight. Can you imagine the dilemma her parents must be going through. There were honeymooners on that flight who had thought otherwise about their future. There were fathers and brothers, whose loved ones must be grieving, some loudly others more openly.
No one knows exactly what went wrong up there. As usual the media and the government lashed out at each other, playing a blame game. But really, what happened up there? There are unanswered questions that should not be ignored. Why was the plane not given clearance at the Islamabad airport? Its not like the plane had any security threat to the aviation. And if this did take place, why didn’t the thirty year experienced pilot aim for other airports at pindi or chakwal? And if the weather conditions were so rampant, why wasn't the pilot warned or told to land at nearby bases.
If this is another example of recklessness by the aviation authority or any other source then its pointless to even talk about it because Pakistan is prone to such incidents. But when an incident so large actually takes place where not a few but hundreds of lives are lost, is truly despicable to narrate.
And its humourous how, we slowly succumb to such accidents. We don’t feel the intensity of the pain, until something happens to us. After asar, as I was praying for the deceased, I tried to imagine what the ambiance must be in their homes. How utterly devastated and shocked must be their family members. And there's nothing that can ease their pain except to find patience in Allah’s words and will.
No one knows exactly what went wrong up there. As usual the media and the government lashed out at each other, playing a blame game. But really, what happened up there? There are unanswered questions that should not be ignored. Why was the plane not given clearance at the Islamabad airport? Its not like the plane had any security threat to the aviation. And if this did take place, why didn’t the thirty year experienced pilot aim for other airports at pindi or chakwal? And if the weather conditions were so rampant, why wasn't the pilot warned or told to land at nearby bases.
If this is another example of recklessness by the aviation authority or any other source then its pointless to even talk about it because Pakistan is prone to such incidents. But when an incident so large actually takes place where not a few but hundreds of lives are lost, is truly despicable to narrate.
And its humourous how, we slowly succumb to such accidents. We don’t feel the intensity of the pain, until something happens to us. After asar, as I was praying for the deceased, I tried to imagine what the ambiance must be in their homes. How utterly devastated and shocked must be their family members. And there's nothing that can ease their pain except to find patience in Allah’s words and will.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
annoyance
stranded from your room means:
- You sleep on your couch, mums bed, wherever you can find space basically!
- You have to watch tv in your brothers room, which has a permanent smell of cigarettes…
- Your laptop charger migrates from one switch to the other…
- You cannot sleep, drop crumbs on your bed or put your head out in the window for a free blowdry!!!ugh…
- You cannot dance in your pj’s…or pretend to do otherwise!!!
- You entertain your friends in the lounge..with your mum hearing every word…and repeating later…
- You cannot have private conversations with god
- You scatter reminders like scarfs, pins, pens, notebooks everywhere to show that you’re NOT enjoying stranded life…
- You shower in your dad’s tub..mainly because you share his bathroom….. Ugh…
- You sleep on your couch, mums bed, wherever you can find space basically!
- You have to watch tv in your brothers room, which has a permanent smell of cigarettes…
- Your laptop charger migrates from one switch to the other…
- You cannot sleep, drop crumbs on your bed or put your head out in the window for a free blowdry!!!ugh…
- You cannot dance in your pj’s…or pretend to do otherwise!!!
- You entertain your friends in the lounge..with your mum hearing every word…and repeating later…
- You cannot have private conversations with god
- You scatter reminders like scarfs, pins, pens, notebooks everywhere to show that you’re NOT enjoying stranded life…
- You shower in your dad’s tub..mainly because you share his bathroom….. Ugh…
Thursday, July 22, 2010
i wasnt prepared for this.....
Designing a logo is not a piece of cake. Who said it was anyway? I, coming from a textile background, where computers and software's are considered an alien almost evil concept. We always drew and sketched everything.literally EVERYTHING. Even if we had to show stripes or checks, we would use a ruler whereas macro-media freehand would take seconds.SIGH…textile background.
So imagine my dilemma where I have to design an actual, real and existing logo for my school newspaper. Am I excited? LOADS….but iam hesitant and new to the software. I have made many and many preliminary sketches but I have no idea how to take it on the software. I don’t know how to make the T into a tree and elongate some letters. Tragedy of life. So I am struggling like a baby does with a rattle that is new to him.
What was I thinking when I told my boss that I would master the software in just two months and show him not only logo designs but ideas for the newspaper layouts. CRAZYYYYYYYYYY I must have been. When I change the colour of the letter, something else goes wrong. When I try to change the style, the whole thing changes. FRUSTRATED is the word on my mind. Not too mention, there are like hundreds of fonts to choose from. I like almost every one of them. Sometimes I go for the funky one then realize it’s a newspaper. Then I change it to a more sophisticated one realizing its also a newspaper for children. This happens all day and its time to sleep. A new day brings more ideas and rejection of the previous ones. What to do. ???
I have less than ten days to make not one logo but logo’s that hopefully my colleagues will select who are on the editorial board. I sometimes wonder how I got myself on the editorial board in the first place. I don’t know a thing about writing. Its true I wrote my entire dissertation, a pretty long one and got a decent grade on it too, but writing articles and proof reading them is a different genre. Teaching how to paint, draw, abstract..this is my forte, certainly not writing. The head of the board will flip if she sees me checking articles for errors, she’ll probably recommend that I be removed immediately. Lol...
These discussions take place almost every week and it’s a good chance for one to catch up on his sleep. I on the other hand, can never dare to attempt but I do drift off into my trial of thoughts to be suddenly awakened by a ‘ what do you think?’. uHH… ‘I don’t think I was listening while dreaming about chocolate cakes and Thai massages.
When they told me that my job was just to be a ‘sort of’ creative head of the magazine, I had agreed willingly. Then to be rudely awakened from slumber on a holiday by a state of the fact SMS summoning me to attend a meeting was not what I had in mind. Anyway I went (on time), to be informed the meeting was an hour late.great. imagine my delight. Finally the meeting happened exactly an hour later.FINALLY. again I was wrong, I thought to myself, how long can a simple newspaper meeting be for? An hour at the most. We were done after two hours and I thought I could go home but the FOREIGN girl had to call on a meeting of her own. Lovely. Why don’t we spend the night at your house too? Turns out she was confused about the content and how to deal with it. After many sessions of reassuring her that we were all in fact new to it, the female insisted on another session.AAGHHH!!!!
So I don’t know whats going to happen this semester. Either I will be banging my head against the wall or hopefully find myself out of the editorial board.
So imagine my dilemma where I have to design an actual, real and existing logo for my school newspaper. Am I excited? LOADS….but iam hesitant and new to the software. I have made many and many preliminary sketches but I have no idea how to take it on the software. I don’t know how to make the T into a tree and elongate some letters. Tragedy of life. So I am struggling like a baby does with a rattle that is new to him.
What was I thinking when I told my boss that I would master the software in just two months and show him not only logo designs but ideas for the newspaper layouts. CRAZYYYYYYYYYY I must have been. When I change the colour of the letter, something else goes wrong. When I try to change the style, the whole thing changes. FRUSTRATED is the word on my mind. Not too mention, there are like hundreds of fonts to choose from. I like almost every one of them. Sometimes I go for the funky one then realize it’s a newspaper. Then I change it to a more sophisticated one realizing its also a newspaper for children. This happens all day and its time to sleep. A new day brings more ideas and rejection of the previous ones. What to do. ???
I have less than ten days to make not one logo but logo’s that hopefully my colleagues will select who are on the editorial board. I sometimes wonder how I got myself on the editorial board in the first place. I don’t know a thing about writing. Its true I wrote my entire dissertation, a pretty long one and got a decent grade on it too, but writing articles and proof reading them is a different genre. Teaching how to paint, draw, abstract..this is my forte, certainly not writing. The head of the board will flip if she sees me checking articles for errors, she’ll probably recommend that I be removed immediately. Lol...
These discussions take place almost every week and it’s a good chance for one to catch up on his sleep. I on the other hand, can never dare to attempt but I do drift off into my trial of thoughts to be suddenly awakened by a ‘ what do you think?’. uHH… ‘I don’t think I was listening while dreaming about chocolate cakes and Thai massages.
When they told me that my job was just to be a ‘sort of’ creative head of the magazine, I had agreed willingly. Then to be rudely awakened from slumber on a holiday by a state of the fact SMS summoning me to attend a meeting was not what I had in mind. Anyway I went (on time), to be informed the meeting was an hour late.great. imagine my delight. Finally the meeting happened exactly an hour later.FINALLY. again I was wrong, I thought to myself, how long can a simple newspaper meeting be for? An hour at the most. We were done after two hours and I thought I could go home but the FOREIGN girl had to call on a meeting of her own. Lovely. Why don’t we spend the night at your house too? Turns out she was confused about the content and how to deal with it. After many sessions of reassuring her that we were all in fact new to it, the female insisted on another session.AAGHHH!!!!
So I don’t know whats going to happen this semester. Either I will be banging my head against the wall or hopefully find myself out of the editorial board.
Friday, July 9, 2010
IS MONEY EVERYTHING?
Is money everything? Is money really something that makes people kill, get killed or die for? I know the world is running crazy after it. Sometimes I wish I had more money too, the things that I can buy with it just tempts me beyond control. God tells us to distribute money, give it, share, help those without it. But how many of us actually do it.
Now, that my salary is what I mind, my mind is full of ideas and ways to spend it. I am thinking vacations, ways to improve my room, paint and buy new things. The new I and touch phone is what everybody wants and maybe what I want too. I never thought about giving maybe half of my money for charity maybe. There are maids in my house that would benefit immensely from it. I know girls who can get married by purchasing dowry for their wedding. There are people and places this money can go to. Why don’t I think about these days because I don’t or maybe I don’t want to? Or maybe its because of the people that I am surrounded by. When my khala gave me kind advice to do an Islamic course for a few months, I was touched. There are people in my life who just don’t tell or advise me to spend it recklessly.
You know I can certainly live without not owning a diamond or diamonds in my life. I can certainly live without a nice car or expensive jewelry. I don’t pay much attention to clothes or accessories considering I am coming from a textile background. But I just don’t, I have a total of ten nice clothes to wear outside and when I make new clothes, I throw out the old ones, coming back to ten clothes. I spent an entire semester teaching, wearing my ten clothes. I would repeat them everyday and would never care two heeds about it. I have a total of four shoes, including fancy and casual. People might think I am stingy or frugal or outrageously parsimonious but I have never cared. God will give always give you as much as you deserve and the amount best for you.
There are friends who left careers and switched because of financial gain. I wont judge because their my friends and it’s their decision end of the day. There are people who say they wanted to become a chartered accountant only and only because it pays more. Once you’re qualified, you have your hands on cash. The same person never got to become one after repeated attempts and trials. Maybe it was because his intention was always wrong. Like I said, who am I to judge but people always surprise me when they do that.
And there are people who think by doing their masters; they would be wasting time, money and effort. In today’s time and world, where recession was the new black, world analyst’s were advising young students and fresh graduates to go for another degree because by the time they were through, they would have more chances of a better job thus better future.
My fiancé doesn’t earn much. It bothers me at times, when I am most miserable and horrible a person, otherwise I let the thought go. But when I talk to him, he assures me and reassures me that things will turn positive one day inshallah. He has plans and he is ambitious and that’s what assures me that even if we don’t own a mansion one day, or cannot afford vacations every year, at least he tries. He tries and he loves what he does. He is truly one of the few people I know who wake every day with a smile and look forward to it. He may earn less but the satisfaction that he gets makes him richer than many.
Now, that my salary is what I mind, my mind is full of ideas and ways to spend it. I am thinking vacations, ways to improve my room, paint and buy new things. The new I and touch phone is what everybody wants and maybe what I want too. I never thought about giving maybe half of my money for charity maybe. There are maids in my house that would benefit immensely from it. I know girls who can get married by purchasing dowry for their wedding. There are people and places this money can go to. Why don’t I think about these days because I don’t or maybe I don’t want to? Or maybe its because of the people that I am surrounded by. When my khala gave me kind advice to do an Islamic course for a few months, I was touched. There are people in my life who just don’t tell or advise me to spend it recklessly.
You know I can certainly live without not owning a diamond or diamonds in my life. I can certainly live without a nice car or expensive jewelry. I don’t pay much attention to clothes or accessories considering I am coming from a textile background. But I just don’t, I have a total of ten nice clothes to wear outside and when I make new clothes, I throw out the old ones, coming back to ten clothes. I spent an entire semester teaching, wearing my ten clothes. I would repeat them everyday and would never care two heeds about it. I have a total of four shoes, including fancy and casual. People might think I am stingy or frugal or outrageously parsimonious but I have never cared. God will give always give you as much as you deserve and the amount best for you.
There are friends who left careers and switched because of financial gain. I wont judge because their my friends and it’s their decision end of the day. There are people who say they wanted to become a chartered accountant only and only because it pays more. Once you’re qualified, you have your hands on cash. The same person never got to become one after repeated attempts and trials. Maybe it was because his intention was always wrong. Like I said, who am I to judge but people always surprise me when they do that.
And there are people who think by doing their masters; they would be wasting time, money and effort. In today’s time and world, where recession was the new black, world analyst’s were advising young students and fresh graduates to go for another degree because by the time they were through, they would have more chances of a better job thus better future.
My fiancé doesn’t earn much. It bothers me at times, when I am most miserable and horrible a person, otherwise I let the thought go. But when I talk to him, he assures me and reassures me that things will turn positive one day inshallah. He has plans and he is ambitious and that’s what assures me that even if we don’t own a mansion one day, or cannot afford vacations every year, at least he tries. He tries and he loves what he does. He is truly one of the few people I know who wake every day with a smile and look forward to it. He may earn less but the satisfaction that he gets makes him richer than many.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)